Videogame Virgin: Demon’s Souls and the worst of all the things


(Editor’s note: In this bi-weekly feature, Pixelitis staffer Matt Brown shares his “down the rabbit hole” look into gaming history. Having admittedly missed what many consider “classics,” join him as he dives in head first. We ask that you just be gentle with him.)

I’m having a real crisis of faith here. I find myself at a crossroads of life, and I don’t know which road to take. On the one hand, I could continue to hobble on, my mediocrity like an old wound from ‘nam that wakes me up in the middle of the night and makes me scare my kids and yell at my dog. Or. I could just give up the whole, “gaming,” thing like it never was a thing to begin with.

Demon’s Souls is a crisis of faith. And I’m Heath Ledger in The Order. Or something like that.

As a gamer-type person, I’m enthusiastic about games but rarely very good at them. Except for memorizing every square inch of God of War II in college, I can’t claim to have mastered any game. Ever ever. And I don’t know if I’ve ever been so far from mastery of a game as I am with Demon’s Souls. (Except for maybe when I played Braid.) I mean, I am completely and utterly inept. Like a deer playing chicken with a Range Rover. Like… any joke about animals in the past… ever.

The point is I’m the worst. At all of the things. That involve the slaying and/or looting of mystical creatures.

Demon’s Souls makes me feel like I haven’t been good at anything ever. I mean, this game is an entirely self contained nihilistic crisis for me. I want to wade into the void and let it consume my talentless carcass. I mean, sweet Mary, mother of roller-blading, tap-dancing Christ I’m terrible at this game. It’s not even really a contest. Not even really one of those things where every once in a while I get lucky and make it work. Me playing this game is all mostly just nope.

An identity crisis like this makes a man wonder. Should I game? Am I totally worthless as both a gamer and a human being? Are my thumbs impotent? Should I relegate myself to a life full of mediocrity and non-3D entertainments?

Was I adopted?

More importantly, how does one get good at games? I mean, practice makes perfect is certainly the old and most over used axiom, but I have my doubts about how much it applies to videogames. And Black Ops 2 highlight videos are why. For instance:

I mean, come on! I watch crap like that and wonder if, with any amount of practice, I’ll ever be that good at anything. Ever. And maybe those vids are staged a bit. Even if they are, I still get trounced on a regular basis and wonder what it is that makes me so bad at this stuff. And Demon’s Souls brings up those kinds of questions over and over again.

I wonder if there’s a place to take videogame lessons. Are there videogame tutors out there? Is there anyone who can save me from this life of eternal n00b status?? The world may never know. And as long as the world wonders, I suppose I’ll be struggling on. Just by my lonesome, Sisyphusing my way through game after game until my miserable thumbs fall off.

Or something less morbid. Who knows, really? I don’t. I don’t know anything anymore. I think… I need a hug.


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Author: Matt Brown View all posts by

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