The release of the highly anticipated Pokémon X and Y will bring many new things to the franchise: full-blown 3D graphics, the controversial mega evolutions, and of course, dozens of new Pokémon.
This means that the total number of Pokémon will now be over 700. Being that I’ve been a fan of the franchise since its humble beginnings with 150 Pokémon and monochromatic game title screens, I’d like to take a glance back at all the Pocket Monsters that we’ve seen so far. Pokémon certainly has a good amount of recognizable and beloved creatures like Pikachu, Charmander and Squirtle, just to name a few. However, with a number so high there are inevitably more than a handful of unloved abominations.
I’d like to honor dishonor the Pokémon that made us all seriously reconsider whether we actually wanted to “catch them all.”
10. Garbodor (Pokémon Black/White)
Garbodor was first introduced in the fifth generation of Pokémon games, and for many people, he directly exemplifies the arguable decline of monster design by the game’s creators: he’s garbage.
Not only is he (potentially she) unearthly hideous, possessing cigarettes butts for fingers and pulsating trash as disturbing pigtail-buns, Garbodor is also just a bad Pokémon. Nevertheless, I used him on my team. I really tried to love him. But he truly is garbage.
Sorry bud. I hope the PC deposit box is comfortable.
9. Mr. Mime (Pokémon Red/Blue)
Mr. Mime debuted in the first set of Pokémon games and was all the stranger since the only way to acquire him was to trade with an elderly male NPC. I always had a sinking feeling that Mr. Mime wasn’t actually a Pokémon, but some misguided human trying to make it in a psychic type’s world. He’s actually pretty good, but so is Alakazam.
In later games, the developers added a baby version of Mr. Mime in a possible attempt to make him cuter, but the idea of two Mr. Mimes breeding makes me want to go home and forget about what happened at the Day Care Center.
8. Farfetch’d (Pokémon Red/Blue)
He makes a very handy HM slave since his stats are useless and he can learn both Cut and Fly. Apparently he’s also delicious. His Pokédex entry reads: “Farfetch’d, a Wild Duck Pokémon. Farfetch’d makes a delicious meal, especially when cooked with leek. Because of this, Farfetch’d is nearly extinct.”
So apparently the people of Kanto eat Farfetch’d. That’s also extra disturbing since there is only one Farfetch’d in the game. Let’s hope this species of Pokémon doesn’t repeat the same tragedy as the Dodo bird.
7. Samurott (Pokémon Black/White)
Samurott is the final form of Oshawott, one of the three starters from Pokémon Black/White and its sequels. What starts off as a cute otter turns into a pretty cool looking samurai otter, and then ultimately transforms into a walrus with a mustache.
Samurott is on this list more as a personal distaste. I was really looking forward to Oshawott’s final form. I don’t know what happened to manifest itself into this.
To be honest, all three of the starters in the fifth-gen suffer from hideous final forms. Tepig evolved into a chubby wrestler, and Snivy just sort of gets longer. Perhaps these starters aren’t as unloved as they are forgotten or overlooked. But isn’t that a more tragic fate?
6. Zubat (Pokémon Red/Blue)
I put Zubat on this list with a heavy heart. I do like Zubat, and his evolutions are also pretty cool. It’s just a shame that the Pokémon games use Zubat as more of an annoying obstacle than an actual Pokémon that you would want to catch.
Nearly every cave in Pokémon Red/Blue is full of zubats. As you try to get from one town to the next, you’ll be confronted by Zubat and its entire extended family. They have no qualms about leeching your life or confusing your Pokémon to the point of insanity.
As a player, you will never be too excited to see a Zubat, opting to thundershock it into submission or spray repel just to avoid its face. It’s a shame though, since they are pretty good if you give them a chance.
All they ever really wanted was a friend.
5. Woobat (Pokémon Black/White)
Woobat is hideous, has completely bogus stats, and will only evolve with “a high enough friendship.” And it evolves into this.
Let’s save Woobat the humiliation and simply run away.
4. Weezing (Pokémon Red/Blue)
What starts off as a happy-go-lucky ball of poisonous gas turns into a pair of conjoined twins who are eternally unhappy. At level 35, Koffing decides to try its hand at asexual budding, and thus Weezing is spawned.
Oddly enough, Weezing can learn the move Attract which immobilizes an enemy Pokémon with the power of love. Of course, I taught this to my very own Weezing. The battle scenario where a female Raticate can’t attack Weezing because it’s deeply in love is one I recommend not passing up.
3. Jynx (Pokémon Red/Blue)
I think it’s safe to say that Jynx made every first time Pokemon player a bit uncomfortable. Let’s just leave it at that. I still have nightmares about its Lovely Kiss. Ugh.
2. Magmar (Pokémon Red/Blue)
The tragedy of Magmar is that, despite having what appears to be a human’s buttocks on his forehead, it seems to think it’s cool. I mean just look at that pose. You know a Pokémon is lame when it looks like Psyduck’s neglected cousin.
But hey! Don’t worry Magmar. At least you’re not…
1. Luvdisc (Pokémon Ruby/Sapphire)
Luvdisc is a fish that’s shaped like a heart. There’s a good chance you’ve never seen this Pokémon before and that’s because no one likes Luvdisc.
So congrats, Luvdisc. You’re the most unloved Pokémon. And you’re tragically shaped like a heart. I pray that you encounter a trainer who is desperate enough for a water type. May you not faint alone.