While the term douchebag has become an umbrella term for a generally irritating or obnoxious male, most would agree that the term embodies an insensitive individual with an over-inflated egotistical and selfish attitude.
Most experts agree the term itself only came into popular use in the mid-2000s. However, douchebags have been in our videogames since near the beginning of the medium’s creation; indeed, the Hammer Bros in the original Super Mario Bros. were kind of douchey.
We’ve all had a run in with douchebags at one time or another in both real life and gaming, and to be honest, they’re terrible people. To vent our frustration, we’ve listed our least favorite videogame douchebags below.
Biggest Douchebag: Blue/Gary Oak (Pokémon Red & Blue)
From the very get-go of Pokémon Red/Blue, Blue (or Gary) is a complete douche to the player character. His initial Pokémon choice is always one with a type advantage over yours; one would think that a new Pokémon trainer would pick his favorite, not the one he could best screw his neighbor over with.
Not only does he pick a Pokémon for a stupid reason, he blames his Pokémon for his failure if the player beats him. It’s typical for a douchebag to blame others for his mistakes, of course, and Blue lives up to the title.
Throughout the Poké-adventure, Blue is one step ahead of the player at all times and taunts you for not keeping up. Despite the player constantly beating him in every Pokémon battle, he continues his cock-sure attitude all the way until the end of the game. It is here where the player destroys him and his short run as Pokémon league champion.
Even his grandpa, Professor Oak, could care less about his grandson. Not only does he forget his name at the beginning of the game, but he’s also far more proud of the player character for defeating his asshole of a grandson.
Who says “smell yeah later” anyway? That douche got his comeuppance.
- Lowell Bell
Biggest Douchebag: Johnny Cage (Mortal Kombat series)
There are some people in this world that just embody the meaning of the word, “douchebag.” Whether through their everyday demeanor, the way they dress or the way they talk, these people just walk around like they’re infallible entities that we lesser humans must grovel at their feet.
Johnny Cage is pretty much all of those things.
A product of Hollywood’s lust for campy action movies in the mid-90s, Cage is purely unlikable. In last year’s smash hit, Mortal Kombat, he’s introduced as the clueless actor in the middle of a cross-dimensional war for control for the entirety of Earth. Unable to take the hint that the people around him aren’t joking around, he asks everyone who their makeup agent is. He’s so self-absorbed that he can’t help but mention his roles in various (ostensibly) B-level movies.
In one instance immediately following a fight, Cage goes off on a tirade, first by saying he’s “so pretty” and then walking down the line of combatants, (sorry, “kombatants’) telling each one of them that he’s going to beat them. Finally, he stops at Sonya Blade, telling her that he’s going to “take you out…to dinner.”
He walks around like he owns the place, dresses in douche-y pastel suits and I challenge you to tell me that his chest tattoo doesn’t scream “douche.”
I like to imagine the disgusted reaction he gets from Sonya is nothing new.
Not to mention, he’s not against punching his opponents in the dick. Only douchebags do that. Seriously.
- Andrew Martins
Biggest Douchebag: Red Arremer (Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts)
Games have their fair share of jerks, and while there are a ton that could fit this list (Balio and Sunder from Breath of Fire III, Medusa Heads from Castlevania, and Walton Simon from Deus Ex, just to name a few), the Ghosts ‘n Goblins series’ Red Arremer surpasses them all in douche-like qualities.
Red Arremer goes by many names, depending on where you hail from. Red Arremer, Red Devil, Red Reamer, Firebrand, Flying Douchebag Enemy – whichever name you fancy to call this heathen, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s one of the most annoying enemies I’ve ever had to face in a game.
Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts is already a ridiculously difficult platformer, forcing you to go through its seven levels again after reaching the end just because the developers wanted you to experience what it’s like to develop gray hairs. Apparently, that wasn’t enough for Capcom – they needed to throw in an enemy that’s harder than nearly all of the game’s intimidating bosses.
When you cross paths with this grinning red gargoyle, you’ll find that his flight and dodge patterns are so sporadic and unpredictable that I doubt anyone who doesn’t have a PhD in 65c816 assembly language could dissect them.
He’ll swoop in to hit you at your most vulnerable moment, stopping you from reaching that life-saving checkpoint and ruining that brand new suit of Golden Armor you picked up just a moment before. Arthur can chuck as many javelins and daggers as he wants at him – he’ll avoid them all. And to top it all off, the bastard does a little jig to taunt you whenever he lands on the ground.
Red Arremer is lucky that he happens to star in some pretty good games, like Demon’s Crest and Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3, because otherwise – he’s the douchiest.
- Patrick Kulikowski
Biggest Douchebag: Luca Blight (Suikoden 2)
I always feel bad for admonishing a character for his apparent douchiness. I think to myself, “hey, he must have some sort of redeeming quality right? Like having a noble but misguided vision to save the world, or a slightly twisted idea on what is the survival of the fittest.” These ideals are merely different perspectives on social norms, so we as understanding human beings should take that into consideration.
Such is not the case with Luca Blight, winner of the Psycho-douchebag award of 1999.
There’s no misguided intentions for Luca Blight. All that exists within him is a generous portion of hatred topped with genocidal tendencies.
A man without mercy, Luca will have you crawl on the ground and pretend to be a pig for his own amusement. His sick sense of irony will lead him to striking you down, all because it’s a death that a pig would deserve. He even has the audacity to order the death of an entire youth battalion just to fuel the flames of war.
His evil asshole-ery isn’t confined to his character development either. It takes an army of your best characters to fight him head on, and even then, the best you can do is wound him. In a battle that spans several long and grueling segments, a single error can spell disaster and necessitate another hour of combat.
Soon, all you can see is Luca Blight’s sprite brutalizing your party. And there’s nothing you can do but hope he won’t combo you into oblivion in the next round.
- Tom Farndon
Biggest Douchebag: Psycho Mantis (Metal Gear Solid)
Well. There are douches that like to manipulate you, mess with your mind and hurt your loved ones in order to get to you.
And then there’s Psycho Mantis in Metal Gear Solid.
That guy just doesn’t know when to quit. Except when he dies of course – then, and only then is he a bit less douchey.
Snake walks into a room and you are fed this insane vitriol about humanity being selfish and then this dude just starts to float. Psycho Mantis is a masterful telekinetic villain with the capacity to use energy around him to create invisible shields, making him virtually impossible to defeat. And not only that, he’s one of the best psychics to ever work for FOXHOUND. This does not bode well for Solid Snake.
While I don’t want to get spoilerific in here, it isn’t only in gameplay that you truly get frightened by the amount of frustration and fear Psycho Mantis unleashes on you as a player. He takes over minds, he plays with Snake’s and he throws your PlayStation for a heck of a loop, embarrassing saves for other games included.
This Psycho Mantis, he breaks the fourth wall. There’s nothing funny about this when you first meet him. It’s only fully in retrospect.
He is a great villain, but when he breaks the fourth wall, that is some epic level of douchebaggery right there. Psycho Mantis wins my vote.